I've been debating about whether or not I wanted to write this for some time. Clearly the decision has been made, and I've chosen to write. If you don't want to read the whole thing, don't. I don't even know how long it's going to be, seeing as once I get started, I may not stop. The subject line may be a bit deceiving. I'm not talking about Santa or penguins. I'm talking about....
-National Institute of Mental Health
According to my dad...and this seems to make sense, people who are bipolar tend to be recognized by their manic modes. You all probably know me as bubbly, outgoing, smiling, happy, loud, rambunctious, and energetic.
What you don't see are the hours of crying, the sleepless nights, the endless fatigue. You don't see the times Christopher has to wait with me until I can calm down, the hours he's spent trying to convince me that everything will be okay, and that I'll pull out of the depression eventually.
So maybe the point of all of this is to convince you that Christopher is a saint. He is.
I've spent most of my life dealing with what I call "Trust issues." It means that I hold my guard up VERY well until I know how to trust someone. There are very few people that I have ever been able to trust completely. Christopher is one of them. Because I trust him completely, for better or for worse, he gets to see both sides.
We start out the evening just fine. I'm happy, he's happy, and we've both returned home from work. We laugh and play...we make dinner, turn on our favorite show, and build a fire.
...wait, what? I can't build the fire fast enough? Here it goes...and I'm gone.
suddenly the world is a miserable place. A place where I'm convinced that I don't do anything well enough, that everyone hates me, that nothing really matters. I try to hold on to myself for a few minutes, but we all know what's about to happen...
You get the picture. Nagasaki has just occurred in the family room. So he calms me down. He makes me drink some water. He waits until it's over. And then I'm fine again.
Luckily, because Christopher knew what was going on, he was able to discuss it with our family doctor when I went in for my initial visit. The verdict, you already know. Bipolar disorder.
So I take Prozac and Depkote. How does it feel to take an anti-psychotic? Ha...well, at least I'm not as psychotic while I'm taking it.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Alma chapter 7:
I know it's hard. But even without the Prozac...there's an answer.
How blessed we are to have the atonement of Jesus Christ to make us strong! Christ experienced all of these things so that we can be succored.
I guess that's all for now. Just some food for thought.